Decide first whether you are the right person to deliver it
There is no rule that says the widow has to give the eulogy. Many do. Many cannot. Both choices are right.
Before you start writing, sit with this honestly. Some women find that delivering the eulogy is part of how they say goodbye, and they would not have it any other way. Others find that being present, not performing, is what they need. Some write the eulogy and have a son, daughter, sibling, or friend deliver it for them.
If you decide to write but not deliver, that is a complete and respected choice. The piece is no less yours. The person who reads it speaks your words.
If you decide to deliver it yourself, plan generously. Have a backup reader on standby. Print it large. Drink water. Pause as much as you need to. Nobody in that room is checking the clock.
Start with how you met, or with one ordinary day
The strongest opening for a husband's eulogy is one of two doors. Either tell the room how you met, in three or four sentences. Or describe one ordinary day from your life together that says everything.
The "how we met" story works because every couple has one and every room wants to hear it. Keep it short. Skip ahead to one detail you remember more than any other. The way he laughed. The shoes he was wearing. The thing you thought when you first saw him.
The "ordinary day" works because it is the truer measure of a marriage. The Sunday morning routine. The walk you took most evenings. The thing he always said when he came home. The way he made tea. Build one small scene and let the room sit inside it for thirty seconds.
Either door takes the room straight into your life with him. From there everything else follows.
What to actually say about him
Specific small things, like every other eulogy on this site. But here, even more so. The room came for him as a husband, a father, a brother, a friend. Your job is to bring the husband part into the room, because that is the part only you saw.
Not "he was a good husband." Say "he made me a cup of coffee in the morning for thirty-one years and never once let me make him one back."
Not "he was funny." Say "he could make me laugh in the middle of the worst argument and that is not a small thing in a marriage."
Not "he was supportive." Say "he sat in the front row of every concert, every parents' evening, every small thing I cared about, even when he was tired, even when he had no idea what was happening on stage."
Two or three details like this, told plainly, are the entire eulogy.
A simple structure
Open with how you met or one ordinary day. Two or three sentences.
Tell who he was, in your honest words. Three to five sentences. The husband, the man, the father if he was one. Not a list of jobs. A portrait.
Tell two or three small specific stories. The ones that show who he was, not what he did. The kitchen. The car. The hospital waiting room. The laugh in the middle of the argument.
Close with what he leaves. Not in a grand way. The chair he sat in. The phrase you catch yourself listening for. The decision you will make differently because of him. Then stop.
If you want to address him directly at the end, you can. One sentence is enough. "I will love you for the rest of my life." Then sit down. The room will be with you.
What to avoid
Avoid the phrase "the love of my life" if it does not feel like your voice. It often comes out flat. The room hears it as a sympathy card. If you want to say something close to that, say it in your own words. "I would marry him again tomorrow." "He was the only one I ever wanted." Whatever is true.
Avoid summarising every chapter of your life together. The eulogy is not the obituary, and it is not your wedding album. Pick the moments that show who he was.
Avoid saying anything you would not want him to hear. He is in the room, in the only way he can be. Speak as if he were listening, because in a way he is.
Avoid private jokes that exclude the room. You can mention them in passing, but the eulogy is for everyone gathered, not only for the two of you.
How long it should be
Three to five minutes is right. About four hundred to seven hundred words.
A short eulogy delivered by his wife is one of the most powerful things a room can hold. You do not need to fill time. The room is not waiting for length. The room is waiting for you.
If your children are also speaking, plan together. You may want to keep yours shorter and let theirs carry more of the storytelling. Or you may want to be the only voice. Both are right.